The (s)Wheat Spot!

Meet Me in St. Louis

...because I'm all alone here.



I've been in St. Louis since Monday, attending a conference. However, today, my last day here, I'm all alone. Due to some flight scheduling mixups, my flight leaves 8 hours after everyone else's, which either leaves me to bum around an airport for a full working day, or crack open St. Louis like an oyster and dig in.

I opted for the latter.

Armed with a map, another rental minivan (this time a Kia with no Satellite radio, but a good modern rock station in 105.7 fm), and a desire for adventure, I am soaking up the home of Mark McGuire, the Arch and Nelly & the St. Lunatics. Hott.

There's something that I love about traveling alone. Anonymity, independence, freedom... I don't know. What I do know is that it is beautiful here! Spring has just hit, and none of the trees are budding except for the dogwood trees and tulip trees (which are sublime small trees with blossoms that look like tulips). It's amazing.

However, I can be alone for about a day before I need to be around people again. I think that in my relationship with God, I get tempted to exert my independence at times. I feel like I need time to just "be myself," whatever that means. It feels great for a time, but after a few days I need to know that I can go home to my Lord.

Here in St. Louis, I like the freedom to go wherever I want, spend as much time in as many different coffee shops as I like (running count for the day: 3), browse whatever record stores I like without concern that my companions are growing weary, whatever. In the end though, I need people around. I need relationships. Doing what I want only satisfies me for a short time, and then I need a companion (ironically, the name of the last coffee shop I was in is "Companion" [a great name for a coffee shop/bakery, since etymologically, a com-pan-ion is someone with whom you share bread - bread = "pan" in Latin]). I need people to break bread with me. People complicate things and ask you to do things that you don't want to do (or misplace your Spoon CD when they borrow your car), but these minor annoyances are the spice of life. They make you grow, they make you mature, they make you realize that you aren't as smart as you like to think you are, and that sometimes that living an undisturbed life is stupid.

I think that one key to companionship is forgiveness. When people mess my world up, I still need them, and unforgiveness is the most indestructable wedge that you can drive inbetween people. I would even venture to say that the less you have to forgive or be forgiven, the less you experience true companionship.

I think God made it this way. Maybe He allowed the Fall so we could really know what it means to be loved when we're unworthy. Maybe that's why He said that it is not good for man to be alone. When we're alone, we don't grow up, we grow in. When we start to let people in, that's when we really start to grow.

So as much as I love the dogwoods and tulip trees, as much as I love the newness of an unknown city, as much as I love short periods of anonymity, I think I'll get back to where my people are. I loved that song Nelly did with the girl from Destiny's Child a few years back, "No matter what I do/all I think about is you/[Oh!]", but no matter what I could do here, all I think about is getting home.

Excuse me, but I've got a plane to catch.

posted by paul @ 12:56 PM